Too busy or uncreative to come up with a truly memorable Christmas experience for your child? Eager to lay the groundwork for your tot’s inevitable realization that adults lie all the time, despite your constant nagging that it’s always best to tell the truth? Then head to santamail.org, where you can spend $9.95 to buy your snot-nosed bundle of joy a personalized letter from Santa Claus, lovingly typeset with unconvincing computer-generated handwriting.
The best thing on the site is the $19.95 “Santa Was Here!” kit, a veritable Christmas stocking full of ways to take advantage of the fact that your gullible child’s critical faculties are not yet fully formed. According to the company, the kit contains “complete instructions on how to stage your room to convince your child that Santa really did come”:
Eno’s Sydney Opera House projections.
Van Halen’s underwhelming original logo.
Billy Bob Thornton’s really high.
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I’m Andrew Hearst, a New York-based writer, editor, designer, musician, and gadabout. You can learn a bit more about me here.
Email: hearst@nyc.rr.com
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